rambling instead of getting ready to go to work

March 11, 2010 § Leave a comment

i cooked myself a breakfast today morning. poach eggs and caramelized onions with pita chips dipped in spinach dip. while i was at it i made dinner too. roasted brussel sprouts and garlic tofu with brown rice.
its amazing how simple things — but also a luxury, i realize — can tell me that everything is alright. the sun is shining and i have a roof over my head and theres warm food to be eaten. what can possibly go wrong
this is probably the first time i cooked in… three months if not five. thanks God for a house a kitchen a pot
my wallet got stolen three nights ago. i have no money. but its ok
all my clothes are still in bags suitcases on the floor because i havent been able to find a dresser yet. you dont need that much in a room. a bed is pretty everything you need, and i have the best bed ever
blue scholars and suheir hammad and eden jequinto have been blowing my mind. still questioning, God is there a place in your house for my southeast asian collective black muslim friends who say fuck and get wasted every friday night and listen to yay area hip hop instead of jesusculture and identify as queer? i hope so. i really hope so.
my small group is praying about our sexual frustrations. thanks reeses. while im on this topic, a confession. lent is failing me miserably or im failing it. i broke all my vows except one. as i told my friend last night, im praying that by the time im done with lent, the Holy Spirit will do a miracle in my heart, and i wont want to do any of these things
i like this work thing. young adult thing. post college thing. i-have-no-idea-what-im-doing thing. berkeleys such a bubble. love it to death, but so much freedom when out!!! i can do anything go anywhere be anyone. really. i can do ANYTHING with my life
this summer, im going to southeast asia. laos vietnam cambodia thailand phillipines. in debt i will be i dont care. stina told me beginning of this yr that she will make decisions based on values not needs. i decided that every yr, no matter what job i have or dont, no matter how much money i can spare or cant, no matter who says what responsibility whatever, i will travel. every yr. once a yr. im traveling. i know how to be dirt cheap and get around and mooch off of strangers and get lost without losing my mind. probably will learn self defense soon. but imma see the world. a friend already offered to take me to a wedding in croatia next april. weee my gypsy heart


March 1, 2010 § Leave a comment

dear husband
whoever you are, im praying to God right now that you will have read this by the time we meet
i havent forgotten

– mon mar first two thousand ten, the day of blackout and israeli apartheid week

we spent the fourth of july in bed
by suheir hammad

even now
young walking girls are exploding legs
stepping on shells of
american hatred left
dug in iraqi soil

even now malaysian girls
must choose between the sex trade and
hunger     young philipinas
go blind constructing the computer discs
poems like this are saved on

ants crawl out of somali eyes
a puerto rican woman goes blind in
an all white prison cell
self-determination her crime
yemeni eyes search out concrete
bodega walls to feed
homesick elders and
beepers and sneakers burst
round brown bed stuy eyes

yeah     the smell of suffer
lingers     even now
lover     as we lay
in amazement and
if baby as you say

my skin is the color of sun
warmed sand     then your
my moonless night and
we the beach
wet     and tidal     all that
good shhhh     wet     yet
as we lay

shrapnel awakens pain on
an island of young paraplegics
courtesy of the 80s gun craze
to our generation violence
isn’t a phase     it’s the day to day

and though my head is filled
with your sweetness now
this same head knows
nagasaki girls picked maggots out of stomach sores with chopsticks
and hiroshima mothers rocked headless babies to sleep
this head knows
phalestini     youth maimed absorbing rubber bullets
homes demolished     tress uprooted      roots dispersed

this same head with
all them love songs and
husky whispers knows
our moans come with a history
deeper than groins     our
groans marry a story older
than this lust

as we lay     and love
our touch is not free
it comes with memories
and the reality that even now
food is a luxury
viruses free

limbs mangled hang limp
from fig trees and southern
family tree limbs limp
with the names of the murdered

we baby
look into our browness to
see those who’ve gone without
knowing this     comfort of entangled legs
foreheads of sweat     heart beats of love and sex

our sighs indeed heavy with
history     destiny     cum     and responsibility
even now     in this heat
on this futon
we are not alone

on this third day of my
seven day candle     the flame
flickers on bodies     on my walls of lavender purple
in the shadows we see goddesses      abandoning children
daughters and their nations getting
raped with big guns by
bastard sons of the earth

even as we lay in
all this good feeling
people lay in dirt     vomit     shit     and blood
and i gotta tell you
that my sincere love     for real
is for my peeps     my family     humanity
love for real     for real freedom
well fed human dignity
for sisters and their lovers

lover even now
i open myself to
share this
i gotta tell you
there isn’t enough good feeling
to push the pain and awareness out

not enough nothing to
make me forget

and i ain’t no
woman of steel
it feels needed     this touch     that
kiss     there     that rhythm
needed and wanted     yeah      now

hold me a little while longer
just a bit      just
a bit     ’cause we
gotta get up soon
come on now baby
we got work to do

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