November 16, 2009 § Leave a comment

every now and then i remember
that evening when you told me why
you scar your body. maybe
because i am so numb inside i try
to feel something real, and pain
and the idea of permanence along the tattooed lines of my body
remind me
that im alive. ok fine i paraphrase
but thats what i hear when i picture
your face
behind us the reddest sunset ive ever seen. and the rain
pouring on our wet faces as we swim stop swim stop
the thunder and the lightening and the lifeguard forcing us out
of the pool. we leave for dinner you tell me to steer
the handle and you let go, stepping on the accelerator.
in the crazy storm im screaming and laughing
you are gonna get us killed! both of us knowing
full well that you got this and im safe (im safe with you)
i dont want to remember too much
of what followed after because goodbyes are always
(still) sad.
but what i didnt get to say
in person now i almost regret
is dont be numb. i found your receipt that night you let me sleep on your bed. a pack of
durex condom. i stood there
for a bit i remember thinking
who is it for who. i
wont ask that now. but dont
dont be numb. please because all i want
is for you to be
happy truly happy. and alive
fully alive. theres more for you whether you hurt
or im the one hurting still
from the three hundred eighty nine million goodbyes i said with you. and each time
dying that much more inside
either way
i would like to say
dont
dont be numb.
thats my prayer
for you as well as
for myself. even though i am fighting
to believe that its better
to have loved and lost
than to not have loved at all.
so please
lets not
be numb to pains we each face
as we go our seemingly separate times and spaces
we ll be alright. and im remembering that
hope of one day you and i
face to face
again smiling because years and miles dont
seem to matter so you take me swimming
again, and i feel safe
next to you

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