July 16, 2009 § Leave a comment
Jesus told me to read wuthering heights again a month ago, so i did. at the time i thought only of heathcliff and catherine, their tumultuous love story thats wild and passionate and otherworldly and haunting and burning hot crazy stronger than death grave insanely intense. what i remember from my high school or middle school reading of it was the flame/storm that left such an impression on my young heart. i thought Jesus wanted to speak that kind of love over me. which turned out to be true. but what i didnt expect was this long entry to come.
the super dark tone and overall message/moral of the novel seemed totally ungodly after my second reading. why did Jesus want me to read this again? it seemed indulgent, too sentimental, exactly what i DO NOT need at this point in my life. isnt Jesus supposed to be my lover and i His protected garden? then why so irrational almost selfish destructive human mortal love? if it can even be called that? the answer came in typical Jesus fashion during my time on the ark 3rd floor. as i talked to Him frankly about the boy — lets call him d — i realized that i do really love Jesus. and the words of catherine earnshaw came out as mine:
whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same […] who is to separate us, pray? […] not as long as i live […] my great miseries in this world have been heathcliffs miseries, and i watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself. if all else perished, and he remained, i should still continue to be; if all else remained, and he annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: i should not seem a part of it. my love for linton is like the foliage in the woods; time will change it, im well aware, as winter changes the trees. my love for heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath–a source of little visible delight, but necessary. nelly, i am heathcliff! hes always, always in my mind–not as a pleasure, any more than i am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.
some twisted understanding of love aside, the bottom line is that Jesus is my heathcliff and i His catherine. we are made of the same stuff. and i felt such relief that He knows, unlike heathcliff, and forgives, unlike heathcliff, that from time to time i fancy many lintons. boy a boy b boy c boy d, how many can there be? dont matter. our souls are made of same stuff. Jesus and i.